Yadda, Yadda, Yadda...
2002-12-12 . 1:04 a.m.

Righto ho then. It's 1.05am - the glass is full and the pack of ciggies are half full.

Looks like it's time for an update on "My So Called Life" (*snicker*).

The Nicola Situation (Part One - of a saga in "x" parts) -

You may remember I mentioned Nicola and the going-out-drinking-thing (you must do - if not shame on you. Back of the class!). This is now on phase two

"Planning and Stuff"

So I said Nicola agreed to come for a drink with me - I had a really quick word with her today at work and she said call me tonight. This is a good thing. Later on, as she was leaving she stopped by my desk to say "call me tonight". This is a double good thing.

I called her tonight and we had a couple of minutes talking crap and so I asked when she fancied going out - this week is a no-no as her mum is due to go into labour soon (before you ask - Nicola is 20). That means next week. Next week is good as we both finish at the same time. This is a treble-whammy good thing as it also means our lunches are roughly the same.

Even if they aren't - fuck work in the earhole. I'm going to the pub at lunch with a fantastic girl! So maybe I get to go to the pub a couple of times for a quiet chat before the BIG night and all. This will allow me to get a feel for the sort of girl she is and her to cop (sorry...I mean get) a feeling of me.

Then, next week is the week we shall go out. I'm trying sooooooo hard not to get my hopes up. Lord knows they really don't need to be dashed yet again. I'm not sure whether I even want to spoil what we already have just to appease my need for companionship. I like her, quite a lot as a matter of fact and have since she started working here.

I hope to the high heavens that something good comes of this. I don't want her to just feel sorry for me, for the fact that I looked miserable that one time at work, for the fact that I stay up until 3-4am drinking whiskey.

I don't want sympathy. I want, well; love I suppose. I don't expect her to fall at my feet on our first outing. I just want someone to value me. Someone to hold at night and talk with. I was thinking only the other day how I haven't done anything like this for about six months and to be honest I am absolutely petrified.

I really have no idea at all what to do. Not one jot. Not one iota. I don't know what to talk about, whether to expect a kiss at the end of it all, whether to pay for the drinks or anything. It's been so long now that the joke is wearing thin. I really want it to go well. I would like her to come out with me, not just 'cos she feels sorry for me, but because she wants to see whether I'm worth investing time in.

How do you find this out? I've said before that only one man I have ever met understood women. He could tell from body language alone at fifty yards what a girl was thinking. But he ain't me.

Confidence isn't my strongpoint, at least as far as women are concerned. To be honest girls, you baffle and terrify me. I really have no idea at all how to behave. I am a big macho asshole most of the time but sometimes I do let my personality sneak out for day release. It doesn't really like the world much so it's stays hidden.

Should I ask her straight out where she sees us going? Should I say from the outset how I feel about the whole thing? I just don't know.

It's going to drag until next week I can tell... Postscript - another thing that gets me pissed off. What happens if we do start dating? I would feel so bad that I am seeing someone and Fletch isn't. Arghhhhh! If I didn't have my head shaved I'd pull my hair out...