Fun You, You Melon Farmer!
2003-02-12 . 1:43 p.m.

I declare today - Happy Day.

Not in a "fonzy" type fashion but just basically 'cos everything seems right today. I have been grinning inanely and "getting on down" to VH-1 "All 80's Day".

Hallelujah!

On a darker note i have discovered this.

What in name of Hugs is that about? Raise your children the old fashioned way for hug's sake! Try maybe, ooooh, I don't know; spending time with them? Why let technology (and a pretty shaky technology if it's using Closed Captions) monitor your children's TV habits/exposure when you could (with a little parenting) actually sit down and watch it with them?

Maybe you could get a library ticket and try books? You've heard of them surely? Big paper things with pictures and funny stories?

What is the world coming to when people cannot be bothered to teach their own children? Allowing some imbecile somewhere in a garage with a circuit board and a basic grasp of electronics to alter the wording of TV shows to match some non-existent reality doesn't strike me as sensible. Perhaps with the aid of my Stasis Machine (PATENT PENDING) you can stop your kids growing up ever!

I feel the desperate urge to get one of these things and reverse engineer it so that I can add more swearing to TV shows. Lord knows how much fun watching "Songs of Praise" on a Sunday would be with a few "Bitches" or "Motherfuckers".

Here for your delectation are a few of my favourite Hymns with my new Swear-Chip (PATENT PENDING) -

"Dear Lord and Fucker of Mankind"

"Ah, Holy Shit!"

"Shit on Me, Shit of God"

"SHIT SHIT SHIT! Oh Fucking Christ!"

"Oh Thou Who Camest From Above"

(Please note that last one wasn't changed - it sounds pretty cool already).

Please also note the original Cussbuster device would rename the "Dick Van Dyke Show" as "The Penis Van Lesbian Show".

This in itself is worth the purchase price.

So again I leave you.

I just wish i could give you all a big hug you muddyfunsters.