Facts, Some, List of...
2002-12-22 . 3:22 a.m.

I'm only slightly drunk at the moment. Which is quite disconcerting considering the number of empty beer bottles me and Unca Fwetch have left lying around (oops...)

As I am not fully within the alco-zone I will be utilising the wee small hours to furnish you with a list of factoid things. I shall be using Unca Fwetch's facty-type thing as a springboard for my inanities.

1: I was born in Pinner, Middlesex (West London) in England.

2: My date of birth is 7th March 1976.

3: I am a Pisces which apparently means I am all soft and fluffy and like poems. So that must be true then.

4: I work for the same company as Unca Fwetch. I am, however, a peon through choice.

5: At this time of writing (and every other fecking time come to think), I am single.

6: I have only one friend. And my son. Which makes me Mr Popular, okay?

7: Don't ever ask me a question about religion ever. You will not like the answer.

8: I went to one of the top ten schools in my country. And was thrown out.

9: I was also thrown out of two other schools, and my college.

10: I am six foot three.

11: I have dark brown hair. Most of the time it is shaved as I am too lazy.

12: I have blue eyes which vary between dark blue and grey depending on ambient light.

13: I don't have a favourite colour.

14: I don't have a favourite gem.

15: My favourite food is bread.

16: My favourite season is...erm...winter?

17: I don't have a favourite band. I listen to all sorts of things depending on my mood.

18: For the same reason I do not have a favourite movie.

19: I hate TV. It is ridiculous that as part of our employee benefit package we receive nearly 100 channels of pure shite.

20: I can ride a bike but have no actual licence. I have driven for about 10 years now and am (in my own opinion - and several others') bloody terrifying.

21: The whole "one for sorrow, two for joy" magpie thing is blatantly crap. I've been nodding at the bastards for years and am still waiting for some joy.

22: I know more crap than anyone else alive. I just love the opportunity to talk about some unbelievably weird shit with people.

23: I do not judge music by it's genre, merely it's affect on my emotional state.

24: My parents did some really weird swapping type shit when I was 8. It's hard to explain. So I won't bother.

25: I wear no jewelry and have no piercings (any more). My watch is expensive but looks f*cked up. Mostly 'cos it is.

26: I have a tattoo. It is from the I Ching - Hexagram number 64 Wei Chi "Before Completition". It is a funny story, which I am not going to tell you.

27: I wear clothes until they fall apart. I am a firm believer in utility before fashion.

28: I rarely get angry at stuff. Well. That is actually a total lie. But I don't hit things/people (any more). Unless I am really angry. If you see me looking like I am having a great deal of trouble controlling my facial muscles, that would be the time to walk away.

29: I have no idea how old any of the members of my family are. I know how old I am and how old Dylan is. None of them are of any interest to me.

30: I have an older sister. she is either one or two years older than me. I can't remember.

31: I am not an artist, but if you ask me to draw something well I will. Don't ever challenge me at something, 'cos I'll do it. I am annoying like that.

32: I got bullied at school. But hey, fuck them in the ear!

33: I smoke. Not as much as I used to. Something to do with actually exercising makes me no longer want to smoke as much. So I am drinking like a fish to make up for it.

34: I dream when I eat cheese. Mostly strange things about giant inflatable dinosaurs, BMXs and frogs with jetpacks on surfboards. I have never had an erotic dream (that I recall at least).

35: I prefer cold weather over hot. There's not much to choose from in England...

36: I have a missing tooth. Hopefully it got stuck in the tosser-who-knocked-it-out's hand and went gangrenous causing him immense pain and suffering. Hopefully it was then amputated. I hope it was his wanking hand as well,.

37: I have had several one night stands.

38: I was not single for more than 48 hours from the age of 17 onwards.

39: I have slept with "a significant number" of women.

40: I wear whichever coat has not fallen to pieces. I never button it up. Like ever. Force 9 Gale? Snow, Ice, Hail? Never. Likewise gloves. Never worn them.

41: I drink coffee at work, but I do not drink it at home.

42: I like Jack Daniels. But you knew that...

43: I have been all around the world. It's spoilt only by the fact that it is filled to overflowing with idiots.

44: I don't have a choice about where I live for the next thirteen yeers.

45: I have a tendency to wear long sleeved things rolled up to my elbows.

46: I have lived in the gay capital of the UK for 18 years and worked in a gay bar. Shockingly I couldn't give a monkey's who you have sex with. I'm not getting any. You big bunch of bastards.

47: I had a threesome once. Described by one of the girls as "the best sexual experience of my life, bar none" some four years later. She is now a nun.

48: Pets are a waste of time. They die too quickly and too easily.

49: I don't think I have any phobias. If I did and I was in a public place I'd just get over it anyway.

50: I have a great deal of difficulty going to sleep. I average between 4-6 hours a night. I have also woken up covered in bruises and smelling of soap. Go figure.

51: I wish I were romantic but most of the time I am poor.

52: I believe in good manners.

53: I have never broken a bone in my life. Whether this means I am lucky or simply Wolverine I leave up to you...

54: ...although I did crack several ribs when someone dropkicked me after running about 20 yards. I didn't notice for two weeks, got told to go to a doctor and he said "They'll probably be okay in two weeks" thus proving what a total waste of a journey that was.

55: I punched through a window once to hit someone on the other side who said nasty stuff about my sister. He wasn't expecting that let me tell you. I now have a funny scar on my finger where I sliced a chunk off.

56: I have shedloads of scars. Some from myself, some from others, and some to get free beer.

57: I don't think I have any idols as such.

58: Suicide eh? hmmmm... I wouldn't bother if I were you. It's a bit crap.

59: I always have a great deal of trouble finding matching socks and so just pick two that look similar from a distance.

60: I live a totally lazy existence, content to merely survive and watch mankind as I slowly ebb away. I pass this off by spouting Zen proverbs and Taoist type stuff. I find it quite amusing as a matter of fact. It's kind of a great big cosmic joke. I get it, do you?

61: Whenever you think you have even the vaguest understanding of who and what I am, I'll just go do something to totally upset that idea. Just because I am difficult.

62: I am horrifically competitive. I do not like losing. So I don't.

63: I find it hilarious when people misjudge me. When they think I am just a big, thick meaty fucker I will talk about stuff they have no clue about. If they think I am a brainbox I'll tell them about drinking, fighting and wenching. Sometimes I wind people up deliberately.

64: I am always right. If I don't know about a subject I will shut the hell up and listen until I have learnt about it. I get very annoyed with people who make the same mistakes continually.

65: I am far funnier in real life than I ever am on here. Seriously. You should come and watch me and Fletch talk bollocks. We really should get our own show.

66: I have an ego the size of a planet, it is, however, the most fragile thing about me.

67: I prefer to give rather than receive.

68: I don't talk about myself much. Most of the above is guesswork. Hell, I don't even know any shit about me so how is anyone else?

69: heh...

70: Not all the facts on here are necessarily 100% truthful.

I'm not sure if that lot is interesting. But I am too lazy to go back and change any of it.

I'm feeling a tad weary at the moment.