Jesus was a Funky Bitch...
2003-02-19 . 3:10 p.m.

Soooooooooooo.....

In the late 1980's and early 1990's "fashion" (I use the word lightly) consisted of several quite awful things. Puffball skirts, pixie boots and luminous socks in the early 80's gave way to the awesome construct which was the Global Hypercolour T-Shirt. Much googling has turned up nary a fucking speck of information about them - just several hundred annoyingly cribbed 'blogs about "Child of the 80's" related crap (note to people who write 'blogs - don't copy verbatim from one another as when I search with google it makes you look like a huge bunch of derivative twats).

These amazingly advanced fashion items changed colours with body heat, often staining the user with the colours on the t-shirt. If you own one of these t-shirts please keep it safe. I have not seen one in the cotton for several years now and am not 100% certain if they have all rotted or were in fact alien lifeforms that drained our body heat in return for temporary ambulatory capabilities.

Anyway....

Jesus. He was like, the man.

He was also the inventor of "Global Hypercolour Shrouds".

I was thinking the other day that I wanted to buy a new towel and was thinking that a full-size towel with the image of the Turin Shroud would be particularly funky. Then I started thinking about just how cool a guy Iasus actually was.

Ignoring the fact the Jesus is a greek name rather than Hebrew and that the Christian religion is pretty much a hokey myth (at least in most guises) he was a pretty clever guy. Ahead of his time in his philosophy and outlook he was also amazingly fashionable.

The fact that nearly 2000 years before the rest of the world caught on he was wearing the number one fashion item of the 1990's merely highlights the tremendous powers which he had at his grasp. Who knows what he would have gone on to invent had he not been crucified. In fact there is a distinct possibility that the reason he was subject to this horrific punishment was the invention of the nylon tracksuit (or "shellsuit" as they were known in the UK).

Anyway thats enough random offensiveness for one day. I hope to make some cripple with AIDS jokes tomorrow.

I'd like to point out that this is supposed to be comedy and that if you as a Christian are offended by this - drop me an email and I will happily reply to you and answer your questions on my opinion on your faith, which somewhat surprisingly is actually rather positive.