GCCs
2004-02-19 . 6:10 p.m.

Where in the name of all that's holy do giant cardboard cheques come from? I called up my bank recently to ask if I can have a Collossal Cardboard Cheque Book (C3B henceforth) and they said they did not offer them.

Bastards.

I want, no, need a giant cardboard chequebook. I want to pay for piddly little purchases with a cheque the size of a fucking door. I want to watch cashiers faces drop as wave the giant cardboard consumer device under their noses. I want to have to drag a trailer around with me purely to demonstrate my awesome purchasing capabilities.

I can't be arsed to take up playing golf and I'm not registering myself as a charity (yet) so the chances of me being issued with a single cheque are minimal.

So who makes them? Where do they come from? Answers on a giant cheque to -

Paul

c/o Paul's Letterbox

Paul's House

Sheffield

England

Please makes cheques payable to me*

* that's not "me" as in "me" but "me" meaning "me". Got that?