2002-11-27 . 11:00 p.m.
or Paul's Ego - Volume One
As Uncle Fletch has been doing the honest, soapbox sexual revelation style thing I thought I'd go into a bit more details than has been mentioned before now.
There will be an apology at the end for all those of a female persuasion.
So.
For about four years I was just this total whore. I mean, I still had taste (which separated me from my hunting partner Craig whose catchphrase was "Enthusiastic rather than discriminating") and only took the choicest ladies home, but, every night was ladies night at Casa Del Shag.
There were two rooms, each with candles, stereos and copies of Marvin Gaye's "What's Going On" and Otis Redding's "Greatest Hits" (sex music in it's purest form) and for night upon night, Craig and I reinvented the concept of slut-hood. We had the "shag-diary" which gave a 5* rating for various skills possesed by the ladies-in-question. We would cross reference the diary to ensure we did not accidentally double book and would also swap if the rating was particularly high.
Now Craig is 5'0", Scottish, bald and wears glasses but this man has more skill at pulling women than any other human being. It's like pimp-concentrate in a human/popsicle crossbreed. Craig could "read" women (and so far in my 26 years is the only person with a penis capable of doing so) and so was miles ahead when identifying the totty for the evening.
I'm 6'3", English with a very nice voice, full head'o'hair and have perfect 20-20 vision. I've got good dress sense (not fashion-y but simple), am fairly good looking (-ish) and am quite well built. Back then I had just come from attempting to join the Army and so therefore was at my physical peak of fitness so I was carved back then. I had, and still have, absolutely no skill whatsoever at identifying possible chicks. I think Craig used me to be honest. As girls seem to hang out in pairs (one pretty, one not so pretty) he would use me to sneak up on the slightly less attractive one and use me as bait to get them both to come back to the Casa Del Shag.
At one point in our hunting ground we had probably slept with 90% of the female patrons of the bar - including barmaids...
In one week between us, we slept with sixteen women - eight each. I had three on one Friday alone. Maybe this is the problem, maybe we are issued a finite number of tickets and I've used all of mine up. That would be a bit depressing... Another problem is that i was "known" in my old town. I had a reputation and it was a rather good one, now if me'n'Fletch go out we have to create the mystique from scratch which is very difficult indeed.
Since this time I have grown up a great deal. I have never treated any woman as a disposable object, although I have been used as such. I have adopted such a stringent set of moral standards you wouldn't believe it. Couple this with the minimum standards I set for "relationship material" and it's no wonder I have been single so long. I really am going to have to come up with a new idea.
Badges, Business Cards, Singles T-Shirts - all these are good but get me no closer to my final target; a nice woman.
Apologies to any ladies out there offended by what I was like. Please rest assured that safe sex was practiced at all times and never were drugs or alcohol ever used to "con" a woman into sex acts. All participants were over the age of consent and no videos or mementos were kept to recollect. The Shag Diary (PATENT PENDING) is currently property of Craig - AKA - Wee Jock Long-Schlong McPussy-Marauder.
I am not telling you my nickname.
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