2002-11-25 . 9:05 p.m.
Right. I've had enough. Fletch has approximately 200+ people chasing after his sexy English butt, and the other day someone left a note saying they want to marry me.
YOU BASTARDS!
Where are you all? Hmm? Is it too much to ask that possibly one of his adoring fans lives within cycling distance of Sheffield? Where are my chicks? This is totally un-fucking-fair. Ladies fawn over his ways like he's Rudolph Valentino. Woman like me 'cos when I'm drunk my nose shines like Rudolph Reindeertino.
Either way, why must you all live in another country? Many of our entries lament the complete lack of eligible women in our vicinity and yet has one of you even flown over to surprise us? Not one. Not one I tell you. Are we not worth it? How inconsiderate are you all?
And yet I have identified the problem at hand. Contrary to standard practice, you have grown to like us for our humour and our romanticism before meeting us. In essence it's like the reverse of meeting someone in a pub and being atrracted to their features immediately followed by personality next.
This brings me to another master plan for "chick-baiting".
SINGLES T-SHIRTS
(Patent pending so step back motherf*ckers).
Oh yes. Picture this - a black t-shirt with white writing on it. On the front are all your good points and on the back all your bad points. Instant personality checks. No more having to piss around dating a couple of times to get a feel for your partner (not that sort - you damned pervert).
Just imagine walking into a bar and being able to see immediately who is witty and romantic and who has smelly feet or farts in bed. It would certainly make the whole introductions thing easier -
"Oh, I see you're into extreme bondage and S & M and are a chronic bed wetter, excellent I'm well into watersports"
"Hi, I notice from your shirt that you have an 11" penis. Hi."
"Wow. Nice tits. Couldn't help but notice the way it brings to the point that you have your nipple pierced."
See what I'm getting at? For shits and giggles my next entry will consist of my "Singles T-Shirt" entry. I urge you to post yours in the notebook.
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