2002-11-23 . 4:17 p.m.
Today at work has been crap. So in my lunch hour I decided to learn how to "Moonwalk".
This brings me on to another pet hate of mine (with as many pet hates as I have it's more of a battery farm of hates to be honest)
Dancing.
In the words of the Bee Gees You should be dancing, yeah!
In my words You have about as much chance of seeing me dancing in public as you do of seeing me commit strange sex crimes with the corpse of Jacques Cousteau, nay!
What is it with dancing? What's fun about it? This may come across as incredibly insensitive and you may well be offended by it but in my experience it works something like this - straight, white males cannot dance. If you have ever been stood at the side of a dance floor slowly nursing your whiskey and smoking whilst simultaneously wishing to kill everyone within a 200 yard radius (that would be my personal experience by the way) you will see that they simply have no rhythm.
Now I'll be the first to admit that Fletch and I are not the sort of people who go out to boogy. We go out to drink and mingle (although the mingling is a bit thin on the ground at the moment). But should we go to a place where dancing is rife, and the music is loud and infectious we both stand at the side and point at all the monkeys dancing. The problem stems I suppose from the fact that I am just too funky. I mean, I can dance, I can jive, having the time of my life and I just couldn't watch everyone else staring at me in a state of awe without at least some mild sense of pity.
Why only the other day a person said to me "You know, for a white guy, you move pretty well..."
WHAT A COMPLIMENT!
So here is my dilemma, I am one slick mo-fo on the dance floor but I dislike dancing (at least in public). Fletch can testify to the fact that I can often be found grinding round the house like a man possessed by funk-demons but is there any hope for me? How can I get over my intense fear of public humiliation (disguised by a thin veneer of disinterest in those things I cannot genuinely say I can do) and get my groove on in a populated area?
(Oh, and slam dancing is out as it's far too dangerous for others to allow me free reign in a mosh pit)
help me, diary aunts and uncles!
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