A Biscuit, A Magazine and A Cup...
2002-11-21 . 12:14 p.m.

or "Wanking For Fun and Profit"

It's a question I have often pondered - how much do they give you for tossing off? In the US from what I gather from watching "The Way of the Gun" you can earn some serious money just by knocking one off into a plastic cup. In the UK we get a raggy old magazine a cup of tea and a biscuit. What's with that? Is my British jism not of the same quality as that of an American male?

I believe my man-milk to be of the highest quality.

After going on a website that calculates your monetary value (and scoring really quite a lot apparently - $2.4million) I figure that should I ever feel the need to sell my love-custard I will expect at least a packet of biscuits. And not any old biscuits either - Chocolate Hob Nobs would be appreciated (and also rather appropriate I reckon).

I am actually planning on coming to the grand ol' US just to flog my man-chowder because I reckon there is a good chance I can sell my up-market spunk for a good fee. Perhaps I can make a career of it?

I only wish I had thought of this 17 years ago so that I could have capitalised on my early teenage years and the love I found within the grip of Mother Palm and her Five Daughters.

So if there are any ladies out there who want their future children to be tall, reasonably attractive and intelligent leave me a note - perhaps I can send you a sample envelope?

The Management would like to apologise to anyone offended by the above entry. We would like to assure you that Paul doesn't actually jerk off half as much as you may infer from this and that although several billion sperm were harmed during the writing of this entry they have in fact gone to a better place.