2004-05-25 . 12:07 p.m.
If you read this on a regular basis, chances are you know that I like to share my fantastic ideas with you, the public (all 10 of you...)
I am particularly proud of this recent theory which I will henceforth expound upon.
Pigeons (yes, the vermin of the sky) are members of an ancient Nipponese crime syndicate.
Evidence
Have you ever watched pigeons en masse? They move in patterns. The grey pigeons (the junior members) all defer to the brown pigeon. Seriously - go watch some pigeons. You'll see that brown fucker. Now he is the Oyabun (clan head). All big and puffed up watching his kyodai and shatei strut around causing trouble and bringing him offers in the form of drugs (i.e. cigarette butts) and food (i.e. chips and the like).
One more thing - look at all those kyodai-pigeons and shatei-pigeons with missing joints on their feet! YUBITSUME! The act of appeasement! They have failed their Oyabun and have had to make the sacrifice (it's all so obvious now isn't it?).
Have you ever plucked a pigeon? I haven't, but I am willing to wager that beneath that coat of feathers lies intricate tattoos indicating the clanmembers standing and affiliation.
They don't even hide it to be honest - many is the time when I have been sat in a public area only to have a number of these pigeons accost me and attempt to extort offerings for their Oyabun.
When asked "Who do you work for!"
They all reply as one "Ya-coo-za"
Next Week - North Atlantic Tuna and the Cosa Nostra...
In the mean time - a question for you all...
1: Have you ever seen Fairy* Porn? I only ask because I feel there is a market for it. That and the furries would get all cheery when they get a centaur in on the action...
*not big hairy man sex, but beautiful little winged creatures - you know - like at the bottom of your garden. Unless you live near a big park in a major city - in which case it's likely that the fairies in the bottom of your garden are engaging in unrestrained hairy man sex. YMMV.
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